Maybe this is crazy, but...

I need to put this here, so it can be out of my head. John (Jihn should ring a bell to some of you) has left for parts unknown, and hasn't left a return date. I seem to be taking this development a little hard. Let me explain... for the past two weeks or so, I'd been waiting for an email. John asked me for my email, telling me that soon there was going to be something that he was sending out. I, being my usual self, could not stand that fact that I had to wait, and tried to badger the secret out of him, to no avail. I told him he was mean, and that I felt unloved because I was not in on this "secret". Looking back and knowing now what it was, I think that was something of an awful thing to say, but it's already done. I'm sure he knows I didn't mean it. Day after day I harassed him to tell me, and he finally sent the email out Saturday night. I never imagined that it would be him saying goodbye, or that he was going to disappear that very second and not give me a chance to say goodbye in return. So I was left with this strange sort of feeling... I'm not in love with John, don't get any illusions. He was just, as I can see clearly now, a good friend - as much as two people who never met can be. I talked to him all the time, mainly about music, about other people, about how he should have gone over to that room with the two lesbians and asked if they needed help. Now he's abruptly gone, and I'm fumbling around. If I had even the smallest inkling of what was to come, I would have spent those last few days differently. I would have at least told him that he would be sorely missed, that I wished the best for him, that I expected perks like free cd's and backstage passes if he made it big or came by my town. I would have marked his email address down, sent him updates so just in case he had the chance, he could read about the stupid things I do and buy new cd's that I demanded he listen to. (I can't now. I deleted the email he sent without thinking. Maybe that was dumb, but I didn't like looking at it sitting in my inbox.) I guess this is my reminder, making me remember that whatever portion of your life that others share with you, large or small, it's important. I don't want other people to go the same way - and far too many amazing friends have been lost to me this way - without knowing that I value their friendship. In the broad scheme of things, when people go it creats a kind of vaccum. (Can never spell that right, sorry.) At the very least, I want the people who are going to know well beforehand that I have cared and do care, and things without them will go on, but not quite as smoothly and happily as when they were there before. God, do I overreact much?