Friday, February 8

this was my horoscope for the day...
Cancer
Your ability to handle other people could be very important right now since others may tend to misunderstand your intentions today. Because of this, it's really not a great time to be starting any new relationships. But, one way or another, your interactions with other people will probably be of great importance at this time.
no new relationships for me! if someone propositions me today - and lord, please don't let something like last night happen again - then i say, "no sir! i will not be servicing anyone today, thank you very much, because my keen horoscope warns against it."

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i remembered this dream i had about a year ago yesterday. i wrote it down, but the notebook in which i recorded it seems to have become mired in an anonymous (?) box in the bottom of a very full closet. but i can recall most of it...
in the beginning i - and it was me and it wasn't, you know how dreams can be - i was some sort of maid, back in the victorian era. i was cleaning the inside of the windows in some tavern / resturaunt, and i looked out to the street and saw this group of men pass by. one of them looked up, and his eyes met mine as they walked past, and i was struck with this overwhelming...well, it was love, longing, misery all rolled into one. there was a class difference, you see, and for them (us) to be together was impossible. (intermission. there were several other similar scenarios, like one where i lived in a castle, waiting for him to come back to me so we could be married, but he died in battle and never came home to me, so i killed myself. i don't remember them very clearly, so i'm omitting them. i'm also aware that the historical continuity isn't right, but it was a damn dream. end intermission.)
then i was in present day, going to visit a friend at a museum who had a collection she wanted me to see. i get there, we chat for a while, and she leads me into this room...the walls are covered with portraits of me. she starts to tell me a story about the man who painted them, who it seems in every life has been striving to find the woman he loves, but they've never been able to simply be together. then she brings out this box, and it's filled with photographs of me. recent photographs. at this point i remember everything, every other life i lived, all the pain, the sorrow, and i can't take it so i grab hold of the box of pictures and start to run. i'm going down the staris, nearly to the front door when i drop the box. for some reason i stop to pick them up even though i'm totally panciked, and that's when he steps up behind me and puts his arms around me...and i break down and cry...and i woke up. i was crying then too.

it was the most beautiful dream, in a sad sense...i wish i could have it again. sometimes i can make myself have dreams i've had before. i can't get across the imagery, the strength of it here since i am bad with words, but...part of me wishes it were real. it's too romantic not to want for yourself, you know? ~laughs~ am i a big nerd? i think so.

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