Leaf by leaf, page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness, all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding, tear the glue
All of the grief we never ever knew
We had it all along
Now it's smoke
The things we've written in it
Never really happened
All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All of the people have come have gone
No one to forgive smoke
We will never write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one
Here's an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time we didn't speak
It seemed for years and years
Here's a secret
No one will ever know
The reasons for the tears
They are smoke
Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when they burn
They travel
Those who say the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is not dead
Come on and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is not even past
You keep saying
We are, smoke...
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all it seems i can say is i don't know. i hate that it's all i can manage, but i just don't know. i keep trying to look at it from different ways, trying to cement my opinion. but i can't. this whole drama has stirred up a lot of turmoil in me. parts of it i can just let go and be done with, but that doesn't erase the confusion. i really hate this shit. i hate that i have to feel so betrayed and angry. i want to forgive and forget and move on. another of those things that's easier said than done...i don't want this to matter to me as much as it does. don't want to care. i feel stupid that i'm even letting it get to me like this...fuck.

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look. i did tests.

Just stuffed full of surprises. No one ever knows what you're going to do next. The greatest mystery to you is, naturally, "how do they get the caramel in the Caramilk bars?"




my true name is Atomic Geneticist. i expect you all to remember this.