i'm tired.
tired of being alone so much
tired of not caring so much that i'm alone.
tired of feeling like i'm trying too hard
tired of feeling like no one else is trying at all
tired of questioning what i'm worth
tired of not coming up with any answers
...i'm just tired.

so...i can count how many people i know online who i would call my friend on one hand. i wouldn't be using all my fingers either. do i know and like a lot of you? sure, but there's something missing, some connection that i don't have with you that keeps me at bay. and i'm sorry it's not there, but that's just how it is and there's nothing i can do that i haven't tried already to change it. ~sighs~ i'll probably feel like an ass for this diatribe tomorrow, but for now it's appropriate.

~later~

thanks for talking to me while i got all weepy. it helped. ~smiles~ we'll complain more about the misery that is our lives tomorrow.